I shouldn't be alive today. I know that sounds like a dramatic way to open up an article about a video game, but it's the God's honest truth. When I was 10 years old, I was involved in a hunting accident. I was shot with a .22 caliber rifle, and was declared dead for an estimated total of roughly 50 minutes overall. Somehow, I survived, and for the longest time, I didn't know how to... deal with that fact. Guilt riddled my body daily, as survivors of traumatic incidents typically undergo something called "Survivor's Guilt". I didn't know why I was here, and what my purpose in life was supposed to be.

Some people may find it silly to think that a video game, of all things, was the thing that helped me finally understand what I went through. On January 28, 2014, however? That changed. At the behest of one of my friends, I played through a game that they recommended to me, a small game simply called Journey. Little did I know that this would begin the healing process that I had so desperately needed since 2002.

How Does One Even Begin To Cope With Something Like This?

September 15, 2002, is a date that I will remember for as long as I live. Or rather, it was a day that I was almost no longer among the living. I've lived in the sticks my entire life, and would have never considered myself an "outdoorsy" type of person by any stretch of the imagination. I would have much rather stayed inside, playing video games and watching The Simpsons, but for some reason, I decided to role-play the life of an outdoorsman this day. It's something that fundamentally changed my life, altered my chemistry, and made me into the person I am today. But, it almost wasn't this way.

It was a pure accident. Something that should have never happened, but in a cruel twist of fate, the .22 caliber rifle that my brother had, safety on and pointed at the ground, discharged. The bullet had ricocheted off the ground, struck me through the wrist, and in the upper abdomen before bouncing around inside of me. It sounds like something that could only happen in a movie or a TV show, but somehow? It happened to me. I remember the intense burning feeling, not knowing what was going on. The hoarseness of my voice after screaming, and the realisation of what happened. The last thing I remember before drifting off was talking to a member of the ambulance staff. Mentioning that I couldn't breathe, and everything went dark after that point. That may have been the last moment I had on Earth, but somehow, I survived.

At Least the Hospital Had Some Cool Video Games. Shoutout To Snowboard Kids for Keeping Me Entertained

What happened next was a blur of medications, therapy, and trying to get back to a remotely normal standard of living. I had made some new friends in the hospital, including a young boy named Mario (you couldn't make that up, even if you tried). But the one thing I remember more than anything, as with any point in my life, was the video games. I had a GameCube at home, given to me on my birthday (March 12) in 2002. But the Children's Hospital that I stayed at only had a Nintendo 64. Games like Pokémon Puzzle League, Donald Duck: Going Quackers, and Snowboard Kids kept me entertained for hours on end, and helped me interact with a small snippet of normality for the three-ish months I was in the hospital.

After being discharged from the hospital, I went back to my "normal" life. But there were a lot of feelings that I didn't understand. Why was I here? What was my purpose? Why was I given a second chance to walk this path, and what was I here for? It was something that I struggled with for quite a long time. But, after finally caving in and playing through Journey, which was recommended to me by my friend Alex, it finally clicked.

How a Silent Adventure Spoke More to Me Than Anything Else in My Life

When Journey was first brought to my attention, the first thing that resonated with me was the striking visual style of the game. I had never seen anything quite like it up to this point in my life, and while many games have attempted to copy this style since its release, I still hold this game as a pinnacle of art in the world of gaming. The incredible use of color, lighting, and a faceless protagonist makes it easy to immerse yourself in its world. Playing through the game on PlayStation 3 at the time, it was arresting, to say the least. It's a short, sweet, and simple game, really. One with no spoken dialogue, only the chirp of the Wanderer interacting with other nameless, faceless characters. Much like we venture through life together.

I know nothing about this character. I don't know their intentions. There isn't a glorified plot that is spelled out for me at the start of the game with a mission list and trackable collectibles. I awake in the middle of a desert and begin venturing forward toward what I assume is my end goal. The Wanderer isn't fast. I don't collect "power-ups" or anything along my way to make him a master of combat or an unstoppable God-figure. The only thing I find is friends along the way, people whose true identity I'll never know, and it's beautiful.

I Have Yet To Find a Game That Rivals the Set Pieces of Journey

The arresting visual language of Journey is something that has yet to be matched by any other game I've ever played. The masterful use of color, lighting, and emotional impact still lingers within the corners of my mind to this day. The first time I ever sand-surfed was something that sends the hairs on my arm toward the sky, as it's a beautiful and memorable way to get your adventure started. But the finale of Journey, on the other hand? It's something that emotionally shook me to my core. I don't think there will ever be a moment that truly matches the pure outpouring of emotion that I felt during the finale of the game.

The Ending Sequence of Journey Finally Helped Me Realize My Purpose, and Why I Was Here

The main "story" of Journey is not incredibly long, but it's emotionally resonant with many different factors of life. The way that I've always viewed it? As the name suggests, Journey is a simplified, smaller, more emotional journey through the walk of life. We start at our youth, when we are agile, full of life and curiosity, and eager to see what the world has to offer us. As we walk in the pointed shoes of the Wanderer, we go through their different "phases". Young adulthood. Adulthood. Older age. And eventually, the cold reality of death. We reach the base of the mountain, the spot where we are supposed to go. The bitter cold, harsh winds, and obstacles make it nearly impossible to climb to the summit. Eventually, we collapse, and our journey is brought to an end. Except that isn't all.

It's time for Apotheosis — the climax of our lives and journey through Journey. While writing is my job, I don't think I could properly put into words the emotions that I felt when I reached this point of this journey for the first time. Incredible pain, but also pure bliss. The realization of what had finally happened to me all of those years ago. A work of pure art, combined with one of the most emotionally stirring instrumental accompaniments I had ever experienced in my life to this point, and since this point. I finally, 12 years later, had the closure and understanding of what my body, my mind, and my spirit had gone through at the ripe age of 10 years old.

And for the first time since my accident, I sobbed. I cried more tears that day than I think I ever had in my life before this point. I was born for this.

To This Day, I Still Can’t Listen to This Soundtrack Without It Sending Me Into a Fit of Tears

Journey is a piece of art in every regard. The musical score, brought to life by the incredibly talented Austin Wintory, is a work of art. The stylistic choices made by the team at thatgamecompany have affected me more than any game since then. The finale is the thing that finally brought a sense of realization to my life. Video games have made a dramatic, important, and incredible impact on my life, and have shaped the person that I am today. But I don't think there will ever be another game that could fundamentally rock me to my core and change the output of my life the way that Journey has.

At the time that I finished the game, I could never have imagined that I would be where I am today. I never would have imagined that I would be happily married, that I would be doing what I love to do as a career, and that I would be... even alive at this point. There will always be that nagging voice in the back of my mind that always wonders "what if?". But Journey has helped me understand why I am here. What I'm here for.

Video games can be many things to many different people. They can be a way to alleviate some stress at the end of the day. Video games can be a fun way to distract yourself from the world around you. They can be ways to make friends and embark on epic adventures with those you love. Or, they can help you realize what you were made for. They can help you realize why you were given another chance at life. My journey with Journey is a unique one, and it's something that I can never thank thatgamecompany enough for creating.